


Euphemism

by miraeyeteeth



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Canon Asexual Character, Comedy, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:41:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29282418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miraeyeteeth/pseuds/miraeyeteeth
Summary: Martin has an offer to make Jon. Tim is very impressed by his boldness.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 42
Kudos: 145





	Euphemism

Martin set the box of assorted statements on his desk with a  _ thunk _ . "God, it's been such a long week," he sighed.

"The Lensik case still giving you trouble?" Sasha asked.

“Do you have any idea of what a nightmare it is to try to find the build records of some random house without any identified heritage significance? The farthest back I can find anything is 1891, and that’s just a record of sale. For all we know, that house was one of the ones built back in the 1600s, but the records might have gotten lost, or water damaged, or never even existed at all. And all this is on top of all the sorting and categorizing I’m behind on,” Martin complained, waving a hand at his mess of a desk.

“Sounds rough,” Tim said. “But, hey, at least it’s Friday, right?”

“Absolutely,” Martin agreed emphatically, just as the door to Jon’s office creaked open and their boss stepped outside. Tim frantically tried to motion for Martin to stop, but he was already on a roll. 

"I definitely need to get rid of some stress. What I really need is just to go home, and just… just Netflix and chill," Martin said, with Jon standing right behind him.

Tim cringed, bracing for some lecture about professionalism in the workplace or some other excuse that Jon would take to lambast Martin.

Martin noticed Tim’s reaction, and whirled around. “Oh! Jon! I’m sorry, I just--”

“It’s fine, Martin,” Jon replied. His voice had that odd weariness to it, the kind that seemed to crop up every week or so. Tim still hadn’t worked out what it was about some of the recordings that seemed to take so much out of Jon. “I… To be honest, I think I could stand to do the same thing.”

Tim’s eyebrows rose. Well, he certainly wasn’t expecting Jon of all people to volunteer that information. Martin, on the other hand, didn’t seem to be surprised.

“Yeah, I guess it’s been a long week for all of us, hasn’t it? Um, if… if you wanted to, if you don’t have any other plans, you could come by my place this weekend, and we could, y’know, Netflix and chill together?” Martin asked.

Tim’s jaw dropped. He knew that Martin was frustrated by his current workload, but he didn’t expect the guy to actively  _ try _ to get himself fired.

Instead of exploding, though, Jon just looked pensive. “That… sounds like it could be nice,” he finally replied. “Will Saturday work?”

_ What _ . Tim frantically looked over to Sasha, to confirm that he wasn’t having some kind of hallucination. She shot him a reflection of the same wide-eyed surprise that was on his own face.

Martin didn’t seem to find  _ any _ of this weird, or wildly out of character. “Oh! Yes, that’s fine!” he said brightly. “I’ve got your number; I’ll text you my address?”

“That should work,” Jon agreed with a little nod. Then his gaze landed on Tim and Sasha, who were gaping at the whole exchange, and he straightened up and cleared his throat. “There’s still a few more hours before the end of the day. See what you can get completed before then, will you?” he said, and then vanished back into his office.

Tim was stunned for another second, before he shook it off and strode over to Martin to clap him on the back. "Martin, you dog! You really just went for it, didn't you?" he asked in a stage whisper.

Martin picked now to blush and look bashful, like he hadn’t just (successfully!) propositioned their boss in front of everyone. “Well, I mean… I thought it was worth a try?”

“Hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained. And it paid off! Good for you!” Tim congratulated Martin. 

“Yeah, you really put yourself out there, Martin. I’m impressed,” Sasha added.

Martin smiled. “It’s not that big a deal, really.”

“Hey, it might be, you never know. Just make sure you show Jon a good time this weekend, eh?” Tim added with a wink.

“I’m going to do my best,” Martin agreed.

* * *

It was only after the workday ended and Tim and Sasha both met up for drinks that Tim finally couldn’t hold it in any more. “Holy shit, Sasha, can you believe it?”

“It was certainly surprising. I didn’t expect Jon to be one for casual sex,” Sasha replied.

“I know! Especially not with his subordinates! It was like seeing something out of a porno!”

“If it had been porn, they just would have ducked into Jon’s office to get down to it,” Sasha pointed out.

Tim really shouldn’t be thinking about that particular mental image, so he knocked back his drink instead. “Yeah, true enough. Still, I’m impressed Martin had the guts to just ask flat out like that. I admire a guy who knows what he wants and just goes for it. And Jon… Never knew he had it in him. Good for them.”

“Mhm. You think you might be the one to ask about some extra-office activities, next weekend?” Sasha asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

Tim felt his cheeks grow a bit warmer. “Nah. Don’t want to horn in on a blossoming romance, you know? Think of all the gossip we’d miss out on.”

“You think they’re going to get romantically involved afterwards?”

“Well, I imagine Martin at least would want to.”

“True enough,” Sasha agreed. “Did you hear about what’s going on with Paula in accounting?”

* * *

Tim couldn’t resist on Monday, when he came across Jon fixing a cup of tea in the breakroom. Curiosity really was a weakness of them all.

"So, uh, how was the weekend, boss?" he asked.

"Hmm?” Jon asked, raising his head. “Oh, right, you mean with Martin? Well, his initial choices were honestly a bit pedestrian, but on the whole it was an enjoyable experience. A good way to unwind a bit.”

Tim blinked. Leave it to Jon to find the primmest possible way to call Martin too vanilla. “So you had a good time, then?”

Jon rolled his eyes. “Yes, Tim, I am actually capable of enjoying myself from time to time. It was… nice.”

“Hey, I’m glad to hear it. Just wanted to make sure that Martin treated you right, is all,” Tim said with a grin.

“Mhm. You and him both, apparently,” Jon muttered, turning his attention back to his mug, but Tim could still see a hint of a smile on his face.

God, they were adorable.

* * *

Instead of a discreet question, Tim greeted Martin with a high five. “Great job, buddy! You did it!”

Martin blushed, but he also looked pleased. “I- I mean, it wasn’t really anything special,” he mumbled.

“Hey, don’t sell yourself short! Jon certainly seemed pretty happy this morning, courtesy of you. Are you guys planning on having another go?” Tim asked.

“Yeah, we are, actually. Jon all but demanded to meet up again next weekend. Said that he really needed to see about ‘expanding your tastes a little, Martin’,” Martin replied, putting on an imitation accent. “So it looks like we’re going to be trying something new next time around.”

“Oh, wow! You’re really learning all sorts of things about Jon, aren’t you?” Tim said, his imagination running wild. “Do you, uh, think you’ll be down for something like that?”

“Yeah, I think so. Jon seems to really know about this sort of thing, so if he thinks it’s something I’ll like, I’m happy to give it a try.”

“All right. Just don’t be afraid to say something if you’re not into it, hey? It’s your time too, you should be having fun as well,” Tim pointed out.

“For sure, I will! Thanks, Tim,” Martin agreed.

* * *

Whatever Jon introduced Martin to (and Tim had spent probably more time imagining what that could be than he should have), it seemed to have worked out, because from what Tim could tell, the both of them met up nearly every weekend afterward. It was sweet, really, both of them seeming much more ready to smile and laugh.

And Tim wasn’t envious. He wasn’t; whatever arrangement the both of them had come to seemed to work well and he was happy for them. But after his second datefriend texted him to cancel while Jon was half sat on Martin’s desk, chatting with him, Tim was maybe a little frustrated. He sighed, still looking at his phone. “Sometimes I wish I could get an arrangement like yours, Martin. It’d be nice to get laid consistently every weekend.”

Martin choked mid-sip, spraying tea over his desk.

“What?” Jon said, looking surprised. He turned his attention to Martin. “Martin, why didn’t you tell me? I’m sure that I must have interfered with your arrangement at least a few times when I fell asleep on your sofa. I would have left earlier if I had known.”

Martin finally managed to cough his windpipe clear and exclaimed, “I’m not sleeping with anyone!”

Jon blinked. “Oh. Right, yes, that makes more sense. Tim must just know a different Martin. Tim, could you be more specific next time? Martin got tea all over his notes.”

“But… you’re both sleeping with each other? Have been for weeks?” Tim replied, baffled. Were they trying to be subtle about it  _ now _ ? Really?

“What? No? What?” Jon answered, seemingly equally if not more confused but not at all annoyed in the ‘you’re supposed to keep this a secret’ kind of way.

“Yes, you are. Or, you were, at least? What about ‘Netflix and chill’?”

“What about it?” Jon asked. He looked over to Martin as if to check if he had any answers, but Martin only shrugged.

The pieces started to fall into place. “Oh my god,” Tim muttered, clapping a hand to his face. “You’ve literally been watching Netflix, haven’t you?”

“We’ve actually been trying out BritBox lately. Went though most of the Netflix stuff,” Martin replied.

“Wait, did you just assume that since we were alone together for some amount of time that we had to be having sex?” Jon asked, sounding annoyed.

“God, no, it’s not like that! I just… Usually ‘Netflix and chill’ means, you know, sex. And not actually watching Netflix,” Tim replied, sinking lower in his chair.

“It-- what?” Jon said.

“Why would it mean that?” Martin asked.

Tim gestured helplessly. “I don’t know, because people don’t already have enough euphemisms for sex? I guess it’s kind of stupid, but I… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed. It’s nice that you guys are just friends, too.”

“Oh, no, we’re definitely dating,” Jon said.

“Have been for, what, three weeks now?” Martin added.

“Almost four,” Jon replied with a smile. 

**Author's Note:**

> Jon on the second weekend: Come on Martin you need to watch this obscure nature documentary about the life cycle of fig wasps with me it's absolutely fascinating.
> 
> Inspired by this tweet: <https://twitter.com/AlexanderNewall/status/1349649287525904385>


End file.
